Things Unsaid
by Justsome1
Summary: Sam and Andy are put in a situation where they have no choice but to talk about everything. Because God knows, if it were up to them, they'd continue to open their mouths to say something substantial, only to end up saying "goodnight", or "see you tomorrow."
1. Chapter 1

**AN:**First of all i just want to say, I'm sorry that I abandoned my other story, but there was a break in at my house and somebody stole my laptop. I had future chapters written in there and after that, I just wasn't motivated to continue. Thank you so, so much for all the reviews.

I know it's kind of cliche to have the people locked away somewhere so they're forced to talk about everything, but I just don't see these two saying a whole lot if they have the option to walk away.

Anyway, although the idea isn't all that original, I hope some of what's written is.

Also this was written on my iPad, since I still haven't gotten around to getting a new laptop, so don't mind the random capital letters and other annoying things autocorrect on these things do.

I do not own rookie blue or it's characters

* * *

_Unexpressed emotion will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. - Sigmund Freud_

Ever since the case with Perrick things are easier between them, lighter, not so intense-  
..until they're not.  
Andy's been stuck working a stupid case with Sam for nearly a week and she's about ready to rip out her hair.  
Something must have happened a few days back because his mood suddenly switched from civil to bitchy.  
And the fact that they just got locked in some bomb shelter in a suspects backyard- in the middle of a storm, with an hour left on shift- just makes it that much worse

"Oh great! Just perfect!" Sam yells at her- like its her fault or something-when he realizes what happened.

"Oh yaaa because I locked the door on purpose. I planned this of course, was tired of your snide remarks and dirty looks, thought we should talk."

He glares and her and tries more aggressively to get the door open.  
"Ya, I think it's locked"

"How is it you're not a detective yet?"  
And this attitude of his, well-  
She's had enough.

"Did I do something to you that I'm unaware of? Why do u hate me so much.?"

"I don't hate you, Andy"

She snorts, tries to radio dispatch to send someone to get them out. Because honestly, she can't handle being around him any longer.

"This is McNally, we're locked in some sort of bomb shelter, if you could send someone to get us out that'd be great."

When she hears static on the other end she tries again,  
"Dispatch, this is McNally."

Again nothing.

"Radio doesn't work."

Sam gets out his phone, presses 4 on speed dial, "Must be all the metal."  
But the phone doesn't even dial out.

"Towers are probably down because of the storm"

"Ya nobody's gunna hear us either, over that" she points outside.

They check for any possible way of getting out, try the radio and phones a couple more times before she finally sits down.

"I need outta here" she frustrated- Sam can tell- shes got some place to be. That or, she's some place she wishes she wasn't.

"Big plans, McNally?" He's joking, her and her plans, he's never been a fan.

"You know me.." she smiles, "Nick and I were just gunna head to that new restaurant downtown, heard it was good."

"Spending a lot of time with Collins lately, huh?"

She furrows her brows, "And..."

He shrugs his shoulders, innocent look on his face.

"My personal life is really none of your business... Not anymore" she tells him, matter of fact.

"Was it ever?"

She scrunched up her face in disbelief, then it hits her, what he's talking about, "oh." then real sarcastically, "you're referring to the time you ran a background check on my mother?"

He rolls his eyes and tells her pointedly, "I was trying to protect you"

She snorts, "Which makes this entire turn of events pretty ironic, wouldn't you say?"

She's talking about him. How he was the one who broke her. He tried so hard to protect her from her mother, terrified shed leave again. And in the end, he was the one who abandoned her.

He's confused though, "What?"

"Nothing."

That annoys him, her not saying what she means. "You know, I don't get you mcnally, you say one thing and the do the opposite. You're so damn complicated, you drive me crazy."

She half laughs at that.. because, seriously?

"That's rich. Coming from you"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She thinks about telling him everything. laying it all out there. Telling him how  
she spent their entire relationship trying to guess what the hell he was thinking. How confused she was when he told her he didn't care about the job, that all he wanted was her, then continuously ran off at the crack of dawn every morning, only to break up with her because he couldn't be a cop and be with her.

She wants to tell him how frustrating it was that she had to pry out every little tid bit of information about him and how much it hurt when he promised not to give up with out a fight, but then did just that.

How annoying it was that he ran around trying to protect her from everything and everyone, when he was the only thing that could really hurt her.  
Most of all though, she wants to tell him how completely ruined she was, when he told her he loved her and then not six months later he had a new girlfriend.  
In the end, she bites her tongue, shakes her head and tells him, "your not exactly an open book."  
Then as an afterthought, "You know what, you're not even a closed book. You're more like a book that's sealed shut, put in a safe and thrown into the bottom the the ocean."

"You paint quite the picture" he responded sarcastically

"Ya well, inspiration's half the task, isn't it?"

"Right."

* * *

He sits himself down on the floor, leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes. The floors cold and damp and the rooms dark, but something about being there makes him feel calm, at ease, for the first time in a long time. Maybe it's McNally, having her locked in there with him. weird as that is, he knows she's not going anywhere, she can't. He doesn't take the time to figure out what that means because next thing he knows, her voice breaks him from his thoughts.  
"I'm starving."

He scrubs his face with his hands, "I'll order us a pizza"

"Ha." She responds dryly.

He's watching her face- what he can see of it- misses just looking at her. He tries not to do it so much anymore, doesn't know who might see. He can do it here though, nobody's watching, nobody's judging. She's sitting on the floor across from him, a couple feet away, tracing a crack in the concrete with her index finger. He kicks her foot with his.

When she looks up he asks, "So uh, you and Collins, you serious?"

After a beat, "Are _you_ serious with that question right now?"

He shrugs non committally, "I asked, didn't I?"

"How's Cruz?" She smiles sweetly.

He rolls his eyes at that, but gets where she's coming from.

She sighs, "Look Sam, I know we said we're friends now, or whatever, but I just don't think that's something we should discuss."

"I'm just looking out for you is all. I mean he DID just break up with, peck. They have a long history..."  
And the way he says it, it's like a warning, like back with Luke and Jo-  
_They made quite the team_

"Well I mean, That doesn't always matter. Look at you and Marlo, how long was it exactly?"  
And that-  
well that gets to him. Mostly though, because it makes sense.

"That's not the same."

"How so?" She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. If he thought they weren't as serious, that's why he could move so quickly, she couldn't even-

"You jump into things head first all the time. Moving things along so fast."

"Are you calling me flaky?" She asks, offended.

"I'm just saying, sometimes I wonder if you know what your getting into."

"You think I would have chose to be with Luke, when I had feelings for you, if it wasn't something I thought a lot about? You think I would have gone back to your cover apartment with you, knowing the risks, if I didn't think it was worth it? What would make you think that was an impulsive decision?

"Because the next minute you were running off to temagami!" He practically shouts at her

Shes mad now, leaned right forward, "I did that for both of us sam! So we could be together and keep doing what we love. I didn't know it was an either or thing. I thought by leaving I could get both."

"Ya and we gave it a try but it didn't work out."

"Oh I know. And we've gone over this. But don't go blaming it on me not knowing what i want." She points her finger at him, "you're the one that pushed me away every time something came up."

He rolls his eyes and looks at the wall beside him.

"No it's true. For three years Sam!"

He looks back at her "Oh ya it was alllll me. "

"The blackout?" She mentions, like it was obvious. Which ya.  
And seriously, the fact that they're having this discussion right now, about things that happened so long ago, says a hell of a lot about their communication skills.

"It was my fault you went to callaghans fishing cabin?" He asks her in disbelief

"I never wanted to! When I went to talk to you about what happened between us you told me 'it was what it was' I mean, what is that?"

"That was three years ago andy. Maybe it's time to let that one go."

"Oh ya just sweep it under the rug, like everything else." Her arms are falling around. She's being dramatic. Usually he'd laugh at her when she's like this, but he's having trouble finding the humor in it at that point.

"Well I mean, it must not have been that bad considering you almost married the guy."

She calmed down a bit, tells him seriously, "I told you it was different with us."

His voice is gravelly when he goes to talk, doesn't know why,"Ya.. you said it, but..."

"But what?"

"I was always your second choice."  
He doesn't even know where that came from. He must have thought it, subconsciously at least, if it just came pouring out, but...

"You can't possibly think that."

He shrugs. "That first day we worked together, I was going to take you home, but you didn't want to complicate work. Which i understood, we didn't even know each other. But, then after everything that happened when I was under, Brenan tortured me, we got suspended, You went to north bay for 3 months. I needed you, but your job was more important." He's on a roll now, listing things off with his fingers, "Then the task force. I practically begged you to give me another chance, said I'd do anything to make it work and you chose to leave, further your career. And then there's Callaghan, you only came to me after things didnt work out."

"Our first day? Seriously? And you're telling me to let go of the blackout thing!"

She was right, that one was a little ridiculous. He didn't even think of it until just that moment. The rest though, they always bothered him, "It was an example"

"So what? Instead of talking to me about it you just decided that's how I felt. You know I hate that. You always do that. You think you know what I'm thinking and half the time it's way off."

"I think I know you pretty well Andy"

"Well great, good for you." She says sarcastically, "I don't really know you at all."

He tilts his head to the side, "If you don't know me, I don't know who does.."

"Oh, maybe Your girlfriend?"

He ignores the fact that she brought up Marlo.. again. "Just because you don't know _stuff_, doesn't mean you don't know _me_"

She doesn't say anything to that. Doesn't know what to do with that.

"I didn't want to put my issues on you, burden you with them"

"You're not a burden to me Sam" she tells him sincerely

"Andy, everything that happens to people, you take it on. You shoulder it as your own problem. It's part of what makes you a good cop, your empathy. But sometimes you know, I just wish you wouldn't... Feel everyone's, feelings."

"You were trying to protect me?" She asks pensively.

"That's part of it"

"That doesn't even make any sense, Sam"

He's got that sarcastic smile on his face,"I can't be the guy you need me to be." He points to his chest with both hands, "I'm a mess, right? You want me to open up, I can't do that. My feelings, are my feelings, not yours. You say you want to go through things with me, but I don't want you to have to."

She's frowning, she knows he's complicated, knows he takes on too much, but she just wishes he'd let things happen as they happen, "Whatever it is. Whatever happened that you don't want me to know about, I can handle it. Im not some little doll that needs to be protected. And it won't change how I feel about you."

"I'm not.. Good, for you."  
And that- that's the most ridiculous nonsense she's ever heard him say, and he's said a lot of crap since she's met him. He really is the most amazing person she ever met. He cares so much about everyone- too much, almost. He'd do absolutely anything for the people he loves. He's smart, loyal and funny and he taught her so much. Not just about being a good cop, but about being a good person.  
He makes her better, makes her want to be better. He believed in her so much that she started to believe in herself. He changed her life.  
And ya, he's a little broken, but isn't everyone? She sure as hell was and he loved her in spite of that. He helped her fix herself, many times before, even if he didn't know it.  
And even if, in the end, he broke her all over again.

"You don't get to decide who's good for me, Sam. If you don't want to be with me, it's because you don't want to be with me, not because you're not good enough."

"Andy..."  
And she's heard this before- or not heard it- his silence.

"No it's ok, just don't. Alright. I'm just gunna..."  
She gets up and walks away, not that she has very far to go, the place is tiny-  
But she jus needed to not be there, so close to him.

* * *

"You know I meant it." He tells her, when she finally comes back to sit down.

She looks at him to elaborate, "What I said that night. Every word of it. I waited way too long to tell you.."

She's knows what he's talking about- what he said the night with the bomb- the most he ever said.. that mattered anyways.

"I know. I just really needed for you to tell me and not make a joke about it."

And he knows that greys anatomy thing was probably the stupidest thing he ever said in his life. He thinks about it all the time, if he hadn't said that. They'd probably have gotten back together. She wouldn't have left for so long, wouldn't have taken a part of him with her.  
"That's uh, hard for me sometimes."

"I know that too." She smiles sadly  
They both sighed

"Look sam, I know with everything that happened.. With jerry"  
"No, Andy"

"Wait, just listen"

But he can't. He really can't deal with that whole thing at this point. The night has been emotionally taxing enough.  
"Not right now, ok? I can't"

"I just mean you're eventually going to have to let someone in. Or it's gunna be one lonely life." And she doesn't mean her. She wishes it could be her, but if it can't be, she doesn't want him to end up alone. Nobody knowing who he really is, she couldn't bear the thought.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away."

"I'm sorry I left... Again."  
They looked at each other for a long time after that, till he couldn't take it anymore, till had to look away.

He snorted and said, "No going back", sort of humourlessly shrugging his eyebrows.

"There really is no going back is there?"  
When he said that to her, on that night, he in no way pictured this. He knew though, that they could never be what they were afterwards, but he never thought- he never thought they would ever have to figure that out. He never thought they'd be here-  
"I don't know," he tells her honestly.

"I want to be your friend. I really do. I want you in my life, but... "

"But it's hard." He finishes for her.

"It hurts too much. Too much has happened."  
And he gets it. Every time he sees her he feels like someone is standing on his chest.  
It's worse for her though and they both know it, having to see him with Marlo; touching her, and smiling at her and just looking so god damn happy.

"I know. But just... I'm not ready for you to not be here."

"Ok"

"I need you to have my back. And I know I have no right to ask"  
He knows its selfish, asking her to do that for him, be that for him.  
But he really just-  
he can't do it without her.

"Sam it's ok. Ill be here. Till you tell me to go."  
He taps her foot with his, smiles.

* * *

Sam looks at his watch, grunts, "It's been hours. You'd think somebody would be looking for us by now."

"They probably think we killed each other" she jokes.

"Huh."

"I'm tired, I'm hungry and I have to pee."  
She's being bratty, which is different. She grew up a lot, 6 month UC and all. He hasn't seen her act like that in a while-  
Or maybe he just hasn't been around her enough to notice

"Isn't life just kicking your ass?" He teases her, and it feels like they jumped back a bunch of months, to when things were, easier.

"Shut up." She laughs then yawns.

He holds out his arm to her and tells her, "C'mere."  
She looks apprehensive, which-  
Duh.  
But he insists, "McNally come on, it no big deal. We're adults."

She still doesn't budge.

"Unless you wanted to sleep on the ground. I personally don't find concrete flooring all that comfortable, but whatever works for you."

"Fine." She grumbles and she shimmies over to him.

"You say that like _you're_ the one doing _me_ a favour"

She giggles and snuggles under his shoulder. He doesn't plan on sleeping, he knows one of them has to stay awake, but it's just, the first time in like a year he's felt comfortable and-

* * *

So at some point while they were sleeping they managed to rearrange themselves.  
And at some point in the night Nick and Oliver decided to go looking for them. Which leads to a pretty awkward situation when the two of them bust in the room to find Sam and Andy looking way too comfortable for exes with new people in their lives.

Nicks face drops when he sees them. Her head was on his chest and his left hand was over hers on his heart. His right hand rested on her hip and her right leg draped over his.

Oliver knocks his flashlight against the wall loudly and it startles them awake.  
They scramble apart awkwardly and rise to their feet. Nick would find it almost funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking

Andy's smoothing out her hair, "you found us"

Sam follows up her obvious observational skills with a not so convincing, "Thank god"  
And the fact that they both had long stints undercover is bewildering at that point.

"I was worried when you still hadn't come back after shift." Nick walks up to her and pulls her in for a hug.

Sam's never seen them like this. He's seen them hug and joke and laugh, but never romantically, and he doesn't like it. It brings back all of those feelings he used to get when he saw her with Luke. Only now, it's worse. Back then he didn't know what it was like to be the one in her embrace, to feel her arms around him, to be close.

Oliver's standing off the side with a shit eating grin on his face. Looks like he just won the lottery, "Alright Collins, looks like we found em! Safe and sound. Sound and safe. You owe me a sandwich, so hop to it! We'll meet you two back at the station, yeah?"

"Uhm, actually Sir, if its alright with you ill head back with McNally."  
Oliver's ushering him out shaking his head. From what he saw, there was some real progress here, no way is he gonna Nick ruin that."What you gunna sit in the backseat, Collins? lets go. You. Owe. Me. Food."

"Rain check?" Nick asked him hopefully

Oliver looked at the group, decided not to make things more awkward. Wanted to get a word in with Sam anyways. Thinks the chances of him tucking and rolling are slim, so the ride back should be the perfect opportunity to corner him, "Yep sure. Sammy can come with me, but now it's a coffee too."

"Sure thing. Thank you, sir"

The group made there way out to the cars, thunder rattling, the sound of raindrops pounding against the ground and the faintest sound of Oliver happily mumbling a tune to himself...  
_I will go down with this ship, _  
_I won't put my hands up and surrender_  
_There will be no white flag above my door _  
_They're in love and always will be..._


	2. Chapter 2

AN: thank you so much for the reviews/favs/follows!

I rewrote this chapter a good 80 times and I honestly just can't look at it anymore. I hope it doesnt diassapoint anyone too much. I'm not very happy with it, but I wanted to get it out before tonight's episode And if I was gunna fix it again I'd have to wait a while bc I read it way too many times.

* * *

_Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid. - Fyodor Dostoevsky _

Sam's operating on autopilot since he was abruptly woken up. His minds busy trying to process what in the hell actually went on down there. He doesn't even notice he's in the car on the way back to the station till Oliver starts grilling him about Andy.

"Sooo.. Big night."

And he's just not in the mood.

Hes exhausted. What went on down there was- it was a lot.

So when he's a little extra snappy with his answer, it's understandable,

"Nothing happened Oliver."

"Nothing happened. No. Right. Four hours, locked away, just the two of you. You weren't cuddled together on the ground or anything."

"We talked, fell asleep, woke up and we were like that. That's all."

"Talked. Good. That's good."

Sam rubs his eyes with the palm of his hands, can feel a headache coming on. Doesn't bother saying anything to Shaw, feels no need to entertain his interrogation.

So obviously Oliver being Oliver, he prods, "What did you talk about?"

"Have you always been this annoying?"

He's being an ass, he knows it too, has the decency to feel a little bad about it. Makes him think about the time he and McNally did that prisoner transport in Sudbury. He growled at her the entire way there, trying to appease his bruised ego-

_Are you allergic to silence?_

So ya, their little talk might have made him a little nostalgic.. whatever.

Shaws not falling for it though- his deflection, "ya. No. Come on, out with it."

Sam frustrated. How's he supposed to explain to Oliver what happened when he doesn't even know. "About... I don't know. Stuff. "

"So are you guys.." He trails off moving his hand in the air.

"What? Are we what?"

"You know, getting back together?"

Which- what the hell? He has no idea how Oliver jumped so quickly from talked to that-

"What? No."

"No?"

"No."

It wasn't that easy, they couldn't just jump back into things. When he broke up with her, his head was a mess and now, it still wasn't sorted out. It was a slow process, but he was getting there.

And he couldn't do anything about _them_ until he was in a better place.

"But you talked."

And that's not a question, but he feels the need to reaffirm it anyway, "Yes, Oliver, we talked."

The rest of the drive is silent. Oliver knows Sam's limits- knows not to push him too far.

It gives Sam time to think though- about what happened- about everything.

The day Jerry died, Sam felt just about every emotion imaginable.

Everywhere from excited all the way to completely devastated and everything in-between. He spent most of his day worrying about Andy, with a brief moment of relief when he first saw that she was okay. That quickly turned into devastation and guilt when he saw his best friend laying in a pool of his own blood and then everything bad all at once when he thought about the possibility of losing Andy too.

He worried about her all the time and it clouded his judgement, he couldn't think straight, he wasn't used to it.

And then after Jerry and feeling all those feelings, he just needed to take a step back. He needed to protect himself.

When he asked Andy to get back together- because he knew he couldn't be without her, after having been with her- he still wasn't ready. He would have tried his best, but messed it up again for sure.

He was an emotional disaster, completely unstable and he didn't know how to deal with anything.

Then when she took off after he said all that stuff- stuff he was terrified to say to anyone- he was gutted and he didn't know what to do with himself.

He figured, he could either fall into some depression or try his best to move on with life. So when Cruz transferred to 15 he went for it, knowing there'd be no feelings, because he really just needed to not feel for a while.

She'd help him get over Andy and he could remain emotionally distant.

Then Andy came back -

and he found out that she DID feel the same way.

And he just... he didn't even know how to deal with that.

So he distanced himself from her- decided to ignore it- because he wasn't ready to figure it all out.

And the thing with Marlo, it was working, he was healing.

He tried as best he could to stay away from her- Andy- because seeing her was hard. There were moments when he was around her, where he was so overtaken with the need to just pull her into his arms, or kiss her, that he'd have to make himself walk away.

The case with Perrick came up and he couldn't do it anymore, he needed her there. He knew he'd be all screwed up and he trusted her more than anyone to have his back. She knew him the most, she knew what he'd need.

He was rude to her all day and he felt horrible about it, but she was really the only one who could deal with him when he was like that.

He apologized and they had their little moment, agreed to be friends or whatever, but as the days went on he began missing her more and more.

When they rode together that day he was reminded of what they had, of how much he needed her, how much he wanted her and ultimately how unhappy he really was with Marlo.

So he was getting annoyed, more frustrated by the second. Which is what led to him being extra moody with her when they got locked in the bomb shelter.

And then hearing her side of things about before, about how much she really _did_ love him, he just wants to do whatever he can do so he can be who she needs

He wants to fix himself because that's what she deserves

* * *

"So it's pretty crazy, eh?" Nick says to her, "You, getting stuck in there with Swarek."

"Yah, tell me about it." She agrees.

He looks at her out if the corner of his eye, grips the steering wheel just a little bit tighter, "so why was it exactly, you were laying on top of him?"

"It wasn't like that." She explains softly.

"So what was it like?"

And he doesn't say it with an attitude attached, like she'd expect from Luke, or Sam, or anyone else she's dated. He genuinely wants to know out of concern for her.

"We're just friends, really. We fell asleep."

"Try again."

"Nick, really."

"You seem to forget that I spent six months undercover with you. I listened to you talk about him for hours on end, even when we came back. You're not friends. You'll never be friends, Andy."

He's right. They figured that out tonight. The friends thing wasn't gunna work for them, but they needed to be in each others lives somehow.

"Ok, we're... I don't know what we are."

They really was no one word or phrase to describe what they were to each other. There never was.

"Maybe it's time to let go of the crutch."

"Crutch?"

"Ya, you know. You lean on each other. Rely on one another. You're not together anymore yet you still go to him when you need something. He still comes to you. That's not... Normal."

And "not normal", it's funny to her that that's what he's using to describe their non-relationship, being as that's the word they used to start it. That's what they wanted to be, but never really were.

He was right though, they were that for each other. Agreed to continue to be that. There's a trust there- between the two of them- maybe stemming from their partnership, or maybe it was something else. Either way, it was built over time and it was strong.

Even after everything, she called _him_ in a moment of panic, to get her out of the mess she was in, because she knew he would.

Even after everything, he asked _her_ to ride with him on a day where he knew he wouldn't have his head on straight, because he needed her there.

"We we're partners before anything. It's not that weird."

"Ya it kinda is. Neither of you are going to be able to truly move on if you're still that person for each other. "

Nick was 100% right and she hated it. Sam still was the one person in the entire world she had absolute faith in, the one person she would go to if she really needed help.

And that wasn't fair to anybody she was going to be with. If she wanted to have a chance at something new, if she wanted to really give it a shot with him, she had to let Sam go.

But she couldn't do that- she told him she wouldn't- she herself wasn't ready for that.

"I want to make this work, me and you, but I..."

"Look I like you, a lot. And I want to be with you, but not if you want to be with someone else."

He couldn't go through that.. Not again.

"Sam's with Marlo now."

"Ya... and what happens when he's not?"

And she just-

Ya... she didn't know what she'd do if that happened

She thought she was starting to get over him, _finally, _she thought she was happy and then, getting stuck in there with him, everything came to the surface.

"The difference between him and her and you and me, is that she doesn't know what you two were like. What you mean to each other, even now."

Then to relieve the tension he adds, "I mean we were break up buddies, after all."

She laughs- loves that things are just that easy with him.

"Ya speaking of that, maybe I'm not the only one who's not ready?"

She had months to get over Sam, he only just broke up with Gail a couple weeks before.

Although, things with Gail, they weren't the same since he got back from Afghanistan.

And then leaving for so long. There was kind of a slow build to an explosive break up.

Whereas, Sam and Andy, it was just explosive and they've been slowing building it back up.

"You might be right, I don't want to rush this with you. If we're not ready, I'm willing to wait, because I think this could be something great."

The thing with Nick, it was new. They hadn't even done anything yet- well not really- they kissed a few times, but that's no more than what they did undercover.

They _could_ go back to being just friends without making things weird, for now at least.

And she's grateful he said that because she did the faking it thing before, with Luke and that went to hell. So the next person she's gunna be with, she wants to actually _want_ to be there.

"You really are a great guy, you know that?"

"Ugh, I know." He says with mock disgust which has her giggling.

"Hey, on the plus side Oliver will be ecstatic!" He adds.

"What do you mean?"

"What you didn't hear him fan girlling out there... White flag? He does not want the two of us together." He says motioning between them with his finger

"Oliver's a goof, he sings all the time"

"Ya he sings things like sheriff and ambition, not dido."

"Where do you get off criticizing anyway? Your taste in music is that of a 90 year old man. I'm surprised you even know any of those bands."

"Watch it McNally, I'll kick you out of your own cruiser. Make you walk back in the rain."

"Shut up." She smiles to herself out her window. shes happy they went back to being friends, they're good as friends, it works.

* * *

So you'd think after everything was out in the open, things between them would be better; no more baggage, no more anger, or hidden resentment, but that's not the case. Not at all.

Once they finally got the chance to process everything their dynamic changed.

It's almost like everything is dialled up, every emotion heightened. Only now, it's different.

Before it was intense being around each other, everything that happened between them in the back of their minds, confusing them.

Now it's like they're way more vulnerable.

When they finally see each other come monday, its like reality has set in. When they were down in that shelter, life was at a stand still. They were trapped and its like words unspoken just came tumbling out. Now though, they don't know what to do with it.

It's too real. It's too scary

They didn't discuss everything. The heavier stuff was left alone.

But all the little bit picky issues that made every conversation tense. Those are somehow gone.

And it's ridiculous because they really weren't issues to begin with, just a lack of comunication and misunderstanding.

But now, without those things standing in the way it's like they're stuck in some weird limbo. They love each other and want to be together, but refuse to do just that.

Sams making himself a coffee when she walks in to the break room, he gives her an awkward wave and holds her eye contact.

Its like theres this new mixture of extreme sexual tension and fear, or something.

And they really have to cut it out because people are starting to notice

It's worse than before- like when she was with Luke- because they've done things now, they have things to think about and it's uncomfortable for everyone.

He gets out of there fast, says something about cases that need solving, no time to play around anymore, being a detective and all.

She doesn't even bug him about it, she's too messed up inside.

Tracis one of the awkward observers of the exchange feels the need to comment, "you sure nothing happened when you two were locked away together?"

"I told you. we just talked."

"Then what the hell was that?" Traci asks her.

And she's giving her that look- that one when she's being all judgey.

"What?"

"The two of you just had eye sex for 5 minutes, didn't say a word to each other and then he's running off mumbling something about a big case. We don't have a case."

Andy pulls out a chair, huffs herself down on it, "I don't know. It's weird now, I can't explain it."

Nash follows suit, sits across from her, "I thought you guys talked? Cleared everything up."

"We did. But it's like, now that we're not mad at each other, we don't know how to act."

"Ya. probably doesn't help that Oliver's lurking around hinting at things." She chuckles.

"I always imagined what would happen if we finally talked about everything. And I mean.. well, we didn't talk about _everything_, but it doesn't matter, because it doesn't change anything."

"What do you mean?"

"It takes the most extreme circumstances for any sort of communication and honesty to come out of either of us. What are we just gunna lock ourselves up ever few years force ourselves to talk?"

"Or crazy thought.. you could just, talk? The reason you guys were so closed off was because you had different views on what happened before wasn't it?"

"It's not that simple trace"

"Right. And then there still the issue of Miss emotional distance."

And that well, that was a whole other thing she didn't even want to think about. She felt bad, felt like she was lying to him, betraying him in a way, by concealing Marlo's secret. She didn't even know if she could be putting him at risk, or what, but it just wasn't her place to tell him.

It was almost funny, how ironic it was that he would end up with her. He wanted something simple, something uncomplicated. He needed something easy, after Jerry. Something where he didn't have to feel so much.

He had no idea just how opposite she was to all of that.

"Yaaaa... There's that."

* * *

Couple of days later Sam's working a homicide. It's a slam dunk, Peckstein showed up and the suspect had the murder weapon in his hands, didn't even try and deny it. They were just waiting on an official confession.

They're half an hour in and buddy hasn't said anything, just nods his head when he's asked if he did it.

Swarek's getting annoyed, "So you did it... why?"

"Because." He finally says.

"Come on. There had to be a reason. What is it?"

He thinks about it for a minute, then instead of answering he asks him, "You ever been in love detective?"

Sam shrugs his shoulders, "sure"

"No I mean like, really, truly in love. You know, where it changes you. All of a sudden it's like everything's different- you're different.

So everything's changing... and your heads all messed up and you can't think straight. You think you're going crazy. Every thought, every decision you make is suddenly influenced by this girl. You'd do anything to keep her happy- keep her safe. And then... Something happens."

He takes a deep shuddery breath, "And she's gone... And your whole world is gone. Because she was it. And you can't go back to how life was before her, no matter how hard you try. So nothing matters anymore."

A tear drips down on to the table as he continues, "This world, this life, it's empty, she's gone."

he composes himself somewhat and more angrily finishes by saying, "So detective... that's why I did it. I took his life, because he took mine."

And just like that Sam feels like he's the one being interrogated, feels like the guy just crawled into his head and organized all his thoughts and feelings about Andy; everything he could never put into words, exactly how he'd react if someone took her away from him.

Then he feels like a bad cop, how much he _gets_ it.. a _homecide_.

He gets up to leave- needs some space. It's like lately everything's pilling up and he doesn't know no how much longer he can tell himself he shouldn't be with her.

* * *

Andy's running late, she had the worst sleep of her life the night before, tossed and turned for hours. She dreamt that Jerry survived and she and Sam took that vacation for Traci and his wedding. The four of them were laying there on the beach, just talking about non cop stuff, everything was going so good and then she woke up. And she tried so desperately to fall back asleep, get back into the dream, but once you wake up its nearly impossible to do that.

She's practically sprinting to the equipment room when she stops in her tracks.

Sam's in there, and he's with Oliver. If Oliver sees how they've been acting around each other hell never let it go.

She knows she has to get a move on it- she hates being late- but she just needs a moment to breathe.

She's leaning against the wall around the corner when she hears Oliver, "Huh, ice cream in the morning Sammy? How _me_ of you."

"That's not mine."

"Pistachio? I do not believe for a second there's another person who works here that likes that."

"They wouldn't sell it if people didn't buy it, Shaw." Sam tells him, for what sounds like the millionth time.

"Ahh Collins, you're the mystery ice cream eater"

And she's just delighted to hear that Nick's in there too. Doesn't make her any more willing to go in there that's for sure.

"God no. I got this for McNally. Don't know how she eats this crap. "

And right then she wants to punch herself in the face.

"McNally hates pistachio ice cream." Sam tells him, "says it gives a bad name to the whole product."

It's true. She can't stand it, not that Collins would know.

She came home one day with two cartons; double chocolate and pistachio. Didn't even realize her mistake until he commented on it.

She was so used to getting both that she just kinda bought it without thinking.

There was no way she was gunna admit to that, so she pretended to like it. Spent the whole six months choking it down while Nick ate her double chocolate.

"Well, she ate it all the time when we were undercover."

The way he says it. It's like he thinks he knows her better. It pisses Sam off. But then he thinks, the only reason she would have been eating it is because of him and well, he doesn't hate that idea.

Andy cant wait any longer, she has to get ready. She takes a deep breath and walks into the room

"McNally, good morning!" Oliver sing songs. "Collins here- the kind soul that he is- bought you some ice cream"

She fakes and smile and goes to get it. Figures she can handle eating it one last time if she has to, but when she picks up the cup and sees the horrible green gunk her stomach flips.

"Ya you know, Nick I'm not that hungry right now. Maybe I'll put it in the freezer for later."

Shaws suppressing a laugh and Sam's smirking to himself as he puts his gun in the holster. He's so caught up in his own head that he doesn't realize what he's doing. He walks right up into her space and puts his hand over hers on the cup.

"You know McNally," he says as he's lifting the spoon to his mouth, hand still on hers, "I've heard pistachio ice cream can be pretty significant"

Holding her gaze he eats whats on the spoon, puts it back when he's done, "change your whole day.."

The story he told her- about JD and his dad- it rang more true then he'd ever say. His dad was horrible. He abused him all the time, but that one day- the day they met- he was somewhat fatherly. That ice cream was his favourite flavour, because it was the only good thing about his father he could hold onto.

And now, he could hold onto the thought that Andy still had him on her mind while she was gone. Now, pistachio ice cream is that much more significant and his day, it was off to a good start.

Andy's hearts beating so fast she sure everyone in the room can hear it.

Not that there's any other noise to drowned it out, everyone's to shocked to speak, or breath, or do really anything.

Once he realizes what he's done Sam clears his throat and takes a step back.

He feels like the biggest ass hole on the planet, can't believe he just did that.

It's not like he cheated or anything, but when he thinks of Marlo, he can't help but feel guilty.

And even if Marlo wasn't a factor, he's not ready to go there with Andy again. He still can't do it, he's not fixed yet, he's not ready.

So he grumbles, "Better get a move on it McNally, wouldn't want to be late." and walks out of the room.

* * *

After that they keep trying to avoid each other, but the more they try the more obvious they seem.

Everyone noticed. Everyone's wondering.

The gossip about the two of them, it died down for a while, but now that they're back to their old tricks, people are starting to talk-

And Marlo- shes starting to notice things.

If you asked her 3 months ago, if she was worried Sam would leave her for McNally, shed have been confident the answer was no.

At first she thought it was ridiculous, McNally all hung up on Sam. Pathetic almost. From what he told her of their relationship, there wasn't much for her to hang on to.

And, of course you don't tell your new person all the gory details about your ex, but he had her convinced that it was in the past.

As time goes by though, she's starting to wonder- wonder if maybe the reason he didn't say much about it wasn't because it was no big deal, but just the opposite.

She was beginning to be a little wary of the two of them- their connection- but it wasn't until that case with the girl that got abducted in that cab that it really started to bother her.

Sam was shaken up, she could tell, he couldn't even finish the briefing.

He never told her about detective barber, but from what she could see they were friends.

She planned on hanging back to see if he was ok, when he called McNally with him to follow up on a lead.

And it's not that she's jealous, it's just weird, that he'd even want to ride with his ex ever, let alone when he was really upset.

That's when she knows, that whatever they had. It wasn't nothing.

McNally though, she's pretty cool, Marlo figures. She thought for a minute there they could be friends; how she took the fall for not following Sam's orders, the way she acted when she told her she was bipolar, how she agreed to keep it a secret.

Now though, she knows that wont ever happen.

She told McNally she had things under control

and she thought she had, but lately she's been feeling herself slipping away.

She doesn't want to admit it to herself- chalks it up to the shooting and the fact that she hasn't been sleeping.

If she's honest with herself though, she knows stress is a trigger-

Knows there's a good chance she's gunna lose control- feels herself slowly making her way towards the edge, praying she doesn't fall of.

She does some digging, prods around, tries to find stuff out without looking too curious.

She's working desk with Sullivan when she- as subtlety as she can- slips in a question about Swarek and McNally.

It doesn't fool her- Sulivan- she knows she's the new girlfriend, but Marlo decides just then that she doesn't really care.

She knows she's being obvious, but she just has to know. She needs some sort of alleviation from her paranoia.

She isn't this girl- the one who acts like this, all turned around about some guy- but she likes him, a lot more than she planed and she doesn't want to lose him.

Sullivan doesn't know everything, she's not part of that crowd, but she tells Cruz what she's heard.

So after half an hour of mostly useless gossip, she's picked up some stuff;

McNally blew his 8 month UC op on her first day.

He became her training officer, and partner after that.

2 years ago Swarek got abducted while he was undercover, turns out they were secretly seeing each other. Sullivan thinks they probably were all along, even when she was with detective Callaghan.

They both got suspended for conduct unbecoming, but were together until detective barber died. Swarek was really messed up by it.

They had an argument in the hall way before she left for dakota where he may or may not have tried to get back together with her.

Basically she knows enough to say; that it definitely WASNT nothing, there's three years of baggage and feelings involved and it most likely is NOT in the past.

She looks all disgruntled when Sam meets up with her outside the locker room.

"Y'alright?" He asks her.

She gives her best fake smile, "perfect."

Just another lie to add to the rest for the day.

As Sam puts his arm around her, ready to leave for the night, he can't help but wonder how much longer he can convince himself it's the right thing to do. What it's gunna take for him to finally man up and go after what he wants.

He plasters on a smile and squeezes her in closer, something he's become

accustomed to doing whenever he has doubts. Gotta keep up appearances after all.

To the outside observer it would seem as though they have the perfect relationship. Always looking happy, always with the PDA. Little do they know that it's the most dysfunctional relationship of all. Lie, on top of lie, on top of lie. To each other, to themselves, to everyone else. If nothings done, it's only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down. Things can't be left unsaid.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** One again, thank you so much for the review/favs/follows! I'm so so sorry it took so long for an update, I had an idea for at his chapter and I was blocked, so eventually I just scrapped it and went in another direction.

That, life and the fact that this procedural stuff is kicking my ass, it took much longer for me to write this.

then the other day I was coping it over to the website from my notes and it deleted before I had the chance to press copy.

I tried everything to recover it, but the only thing that seemed to work would cost like 90$ and I was not spending that on recovering my mediocre fanfic writing. So unfortunately I had to rewrite the entire thing

Hopefully they come quicker from now on!

also, there are things I completely made up in this chapter about the city of Toronto, but I'm hoping you can just go with it.

* * *

_"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung_

Marlo's on edge.

She's been working desk for the last 3 shifts and she can't handle it anymore, she needs to be out on the streets, needs to do something.

The clock, she can't handle the ticking of the clock

_Tick tick tick _

She's gunna snap

_Tick tick tick _

Aggressively, she pushes herself out from under her desk, the chair slamming into the filing cabinet behind her.

"I'm taking my break, be back in ten."

She's pacing in the hallway when Sam spots her, has to grab her by the arm to get her attention. He's noticed this in the last few weeks, her behaviour being off. It's like her minds eight places at once, she's twitchy and talkative, very _price-like_, it's weird. He thinks, maybe she's hiding something.

"What's going on with you?"

And the look she gives him, he suddenly feels unqualified to make such an evaluation. Which is ridiculous considering he's her boyfriend, but-

emotional distance and all.

They don't even talk really, mundane things, nothing important or meaningful.

"Nothing I'm fine." She snaps at him.

"Ok" he says pensively

She takes a breath and composes herself, "You coming over tonight?"

"Nah, I have some stuff to do. Ill see you tomorrow"

He doesn't- have stuff to do- he's just exhausted and doesn't feel like playing his role of _perfect boyfriend to Marlo_, right now.

The only thing on his mind is sleep.

Well no-

McNally's on his mind, she's always on his mind.

But since he can't do anything about _that_, all he really wants to do is sleep, for like 10 hours straight..

She doesn't questions what _stuff_ he has. Doesn't want to open that door- the door to questions and answers. She can't go there with him, she likes that they keep a distance. She's embarrassed and doesn't want him to know her secret, he'll treat her differently. Her last relationship was a huge disaster because of it.

He kisses her on the cheek because he feels like he should, feels like he has to.

And when she walks away without looking back he's grateful, can't keep that phoney smile on his face another second.

* * *

Andy wakes up early and heads to a coffee shop on the other end of town, she just really needs some time to clear her head.

She's convinced the universe is conspiring against her. It seems like, ever since their talk she's been stuck working cases with Sam day in and day out.

And It's a frigen battle to keep her head in the game every shift.

She's always been attracted to him, obviously- who wouldn't be- but before she could at least focus at the task on hand. Now every time shes in his general vicinity she cant help but think thoughts that really shouldn't be thought at work- shouldn't be thought in public. That and the fact that he's being so sweet and nice and un-_postbreakupSam_ like, shes a mess. things are good between them, they laugh and have fun and work well, but hes still with Marlo and she just cant...

She's soo frustrated, mentally frustrated, sexually frustrated, just frustrated and-

"That'll be 4.25 please."

...And where the hell is her wallet.

So with the irony that is her life, obviously none other than Sam Swarek would walk through the door of the overly priced coffee shop way out of the way of their division.

"McNally."

"Morning." She greets him as she continues to dig through her bag. She sighs dejectedly, rubs her forehead with her hand, "Can I borrow a five?"

He smirks at her, digs a five dollar bill out of his wallet and hands it to the impatient cashier, "A year later and I'm still buying your coffee."

And it's possible he noticed a second too late how stupid that was for him to say, he's really gotta stop with the inappropriate jokes- He braces for impact, but-

She smiles, "You're there when it matters"

And that-

was unexpected...

His eyebrows are basically lost in his hairline, has his tongue poking in his cheek trying to suppress his smile

"Hey, at least this problem I can help you out of without risk of a fatal injury"

And then it's possible she gets her own grin on her face.

Honestly though, he had a point;

_Unloaded guns, shots fired, pedophiles, lost prisoners, more shots fired, collapsed laundry mats, storage lockers, burning cars, home invasions, grenades, UC operations, even more shots fired, anthrax scares..._ It really was a miracle she was still alive, one he was grateful for, every. single. day.

"Thank you." She tells him sincerely.

And the thank you, it wasn't just for the coffee.

He may be confusing as hell and completely unwilling to verbally express any sort of emotion- leaving her guessing his every move- but one thing she was sure of, was that he'd never let anything happen to her.

He saves her every time.

"Never would have expected to run into you here." She tells him as she lifts her cup to her mouth, revels in the deliciousness of it for a second.

She hands him the cup, wants him to try it.

"That happens sometimes- people showing up where you'd least expect them." And the fact that he's alluding to their first night together is not lost on her.

_I never thought I'd see anyone I knew at the alpine inn, least of all you_

And suddenly everything's weighed down.

Heavy; would be a good way to describe their conversations. Always way more meaning behind simple sentences. Double speak is their game, has been since the beginning.

He hands the cup back to her, the things almost empty, "Nice"

He shrugs and smiles at her, "Hey I bought it"

Which- ya

But he knows he's not gunna get away with that.

Tells her to grab a seat while he waits in line.

He comes back with one for each of them and two pastries.

"So how are you?"

"I'm fighting off a cold, actually. And I think I'm allergic to citrus, I get all like itchy and stuff, it's really disappointing."

He shrugs, "Don't eat citrus"

"Well that's the obvious solution"

They just smile at each other for a long minute there, but then because citrus isn't the only thing McNally's allergic to-

"How are you?"

And she's waiting for it- the stupid joke he's gunna say to avoid speaking his mind-

_Well, I don't have a cold.._

but..

"Ya know, I'm dealing. Things are better... Some things."

He's in a way better place than he was a year ago, but at the same time he feels like he's falling apart at the seams

He's finally starting to forgive himself for Jerry's death- come to terms with it.

But, he's been thinking so much lately about what he wants out of life and coming up feeling unfulfilled.

His job doesn't even give him any sort of satisfaction anymore. He used to love coming to work, he loved his job and he was good at it. Now he's just bored.

he hates being a D, he really truly hates it.

He's resorted to orchestrating things so that Andy's on all his cases.

seeing her, being around her, working cases with her, they're only things that makes him feel..

Anything-

Other than exasperated- which is all anything else makes him feel these days.

The fact that she's so happy over that little bit of information he just gave her is..

disappointing.

But like-

Progress

"That's good" she smiles, "some good."

He collects their garbage and tilts his head at the door, "C'mon ill give you a ride"

.

Marlo's had like four coffees already when Sam's walks through the door.

"What's that?" She asks him when she sees his cup, "Valasco's? Would have thought that's a little fancy for your taste."

Just then McNally walks by with the same cup in her hand.

"Morning."

And marlo, she's can help but think about the _stuff_ Sam had to do the night before.

But nope-

She berates herself for thinking crazy- she's gotta stay in control- cant have those kind of thoughts.

No way would they be that obvious anyway.

"You ok?" He asks her when he's noticed she still hasn't moved from the entrance

She jogs to catch up to him, "I'm good."

* * *

McNally and Shaw are on patrol when they stumble into a huge mess. What they thought was a routine noise complaint, turned into one of the biggest cases they'd ever had. Turns out the abandoned warehouse they were checking out was a dump site for a serial killer.

Teenage boys, 8 and counting, spread out over ten or so years.

Oliver's running down what they've found, papers scattered all over Sam's desk.

"It's gunna be a while before we get all the IDs, but luckily one of them had a broken humerus at some point. Metal plate they put in has a serial number on it. ME ran it and it came back to one, Robert Robbins born in 1979."

Then they're concerned- Shaw and McNally- because Sam has this grin on his face...

And like, buddy, we're talking multiple homicides, why are you smiling?

Andy- she's gotta know, "What? Why are you smiling? That's incredibly inappropriate."

"Robby Robbins, I worked this case when I was a rookie."

He gets up out of his chair and is on his way out the door in seconds.

"Where are you going?"

"See an old friend. Coming McNally?"

The two of them are practically sprinting out of there

And Oliver- he's left shuffling papers around yelling after their retreating forms, "Ya sure! You guys have fun! I'll just be here solving serial murders. No big deal!"

.

They pull up to a nice little white house in the suburbs.

"Remember when you were a rookie, I taught you to follow your instincts, trust your gut, listen to it? You had a lot to prove, you'd get a feeling and nobody'd listen to you."

They get out and he smiles at her over the roof of the car,

"You, your persistent. You'd do whatever you could to prove it."

He both loved it and hated it- her tenacity.

Her and her lions heart, always getting her into trouble, impressed him from day one.

Nearly gave him a heart attack every day since.

"Me. I'd hope that maybe one day something would happen that'd prove me right."

He knocks on the door.

"This is that day. Robby Robbins was dead- that was my gut."

"And this was my TO"

The door opens revealing a grey haired man whom Andy puts at about 55. He gets a big goofy grin on his face when he sees who was there waiting for him "Whoa whoa look who it is, Samantha swarek!"

"How's it going, coach?" Sam laughs

He sneaks a peek at McNally, sees her suppressing her own.

"Come in come in!" He ushers them inside.

He's kind of taken aback when he finally takes a good look at Andy, can't believe how gorgeous she is, "And who's your beautiful sidekick?"

"Andy McNally" she shakes his hand, "Nice to meet you."

He doesn't let it go, pulls her in and kisses her on the cheek, "Nice to meet you too"

Sam's shaking his head- guy hasn't changed a bit.

"Detective Charlie Fitzgerald 25 division."

"Give me a hug kid, come here. How have you been?"

"Ya know."

"What, since you left my division I'm dead to you? You're too good to drink at the shamrock, only the penny is good enough for you."

Andy can't stop smiling.

She likes seeing him like this, so relaxed, so happy.

She can tell Charlie means a lot to Sam- sees how close they are.

Charlie walks into his kitchen motioning for them to follow.

"Come on, ill get you some coffee or something"

While they're takin off their shoes Andy whispers to Sam, "It feels like a just met your dad."

He shrugs, because-

Kinda

"I've known him since I was a teenager. Turned me on to the whole cop thing. I owe him a lot."

"So what's up kid, to what do I owe the honour of your presence?" Charlie asks once they're all sitting down, coffee in hand.

"Robby Robbin, case we worked 10 years ago. He went missing and his girlfriend was devastated, Ella something." sam explains to him, " I was convinced he was dead somewhere and I was right."

"Right right, Robby Robbins, I remember. We looked for him for two days then traced his credit card to..."

"Dallas, ya. Except he didn't go to Dallas."

"Okay, so what happened."

"We found his bod this morning, along with 9 others in an old industrial building." McNally tells him.

For the briefest of seconds Charlie looks like he saw a ghost and got punched in the gut at the same time. It happened so fast though, that they didn't really notice. 30plus years on the force, he's learned to school his expressions, hide his emotions.

"So since you're technically still the detective of records, I was kinda hoping you'd come down to 15, help us out." Sam asks him hopefully.

* * *

Once they get the IDs of the other victims things start to fall into place. The murders are spread out, average about one a year. And the boys, they were all relatively the same age, but it wasn't until they tacked their last known locations on a map that they saw the pattern-

Well, it wasn't till then that Collins saw the pattern,

"Underground tunnels"

"What?"

"The military used them for moving personnel and supplies in the early nineteen hundreds. They were supposed to be closed off, but.."

He made a circle in red pen on the map, "This building here, there's an entrance to them in the basement"

He did it again and again, "same with these ones", till there were red circles connecting each victim. It appeared as though the subject was traveling through the tunnels to sneak around various parts of the city unnoticed.

"So what were looking for a military guy? Who knows about these tunnels?" Oliver asked.

"It's possible. Building owners too. It's not the most well kept secret so it could be anyone really, I guess."

"We'll start there, see what we get."

* * *

Everyone's focused on this. It's a huge case and it'll look great on the division and anyone involved in the arrest, only thing is they're on a timeline. They had to inform the higher ups and they know its only a matter of time before the RCMP takes over.

They look in to all the building owners come up basically empty. There's like one possible suspect, Thomas Royer. He just so happens to own two of the buildings on the list, who conveniently are on opposite ends of the city. It's not much, but it's all they've got.

.

McShaw go to pick up Royer, so Sam and Charlie don't have a whole lot to do till they get back.

"McNally, she's cute" Charlie mentions as he digs in the fridge for some cream for his coffee.

"Ya..." Sam knows there's a follow up to that statement.

Charlie's not one to point out the obvious,

and well anyone with eyes...

"Anything you want to share?"

And seriously what's he gunna share?

_Well coach, there's a shit tone of history there and I love her more than anything and anyone, but I effed it up, couldn't be who she needed, then my best friend died, I dumped her, she left for six months and now we're both with new people. _

Don't think so.

"No"

"C'mon Sam she's not just your colleague"

But she was, that was the problem. Sam somehow managed to make her just that- his colleague.

**Ex** rookie

**Ex** partner

**Ex** girlfriend

"We broke up almost a year ago"

And a year, had it only been that long? Feels like another life since he's been with her. Can't even remember what it's like to have her, to kiss her, to call her his.

"What'd you do to mess that up?"

"Just assume it was my fault"

Charlie waits for Sam to look at him, "No but I know you probably think it was"

"Ya you know me"

He pats him on the shoulder, "Ya kid I do"

* * *

Sam's pissed, she can tell.

He used to get like that sometimes after work- all grouchy and wounded because he couldn't get something to stick- she'd give him a back massage till he relaxed-

..And then they'd have sex.

Like every time..

Near the end there, she started to wonder if he caught on and would just pretend to be upset.

Doesn't matter now.

The point is, he's upset and it's safe to say the interview didn't go well.

"Didn't get anything?"

"No"

"Well maybe I can cheer you up, pay back for the coffee?"

"Shoot"

She can't really give him the back massage and definitely no sex, but-

"Well, Peckstein, Diaz and Price went down in the tunnels to see if there was any adequate evidence and it looks like someone's been living down there."

"You're on the verge of impressing me, drive it home"

"Gail's medical examiner friend, what's her name, Haley? Or holly? I think it's holly"

And seriously-

"Not important" he cuts her off.

"Right. Well she ran some DNA through the military database and got a name"

"You're kidding"

She shakes her head, opens up her notebook,"Nathan Quincy, 50, dishonourably discharged from the military in 2003."

"2003 is when the first murder happened. Coulda been a stresser."

"Exactly."

But she doesn't look nearly excited enough for Sam's liking,

"What's the but face?"

"Well he's been living down there right. So we don't exactly have anywhere to look for him."

And shit...

* * *

Everyone's working OT and it's been the longest day ever, but they don't want to miss their chance at catching this guy.

If they go home and sleep, next thing they know all their hard work is being handed off and RCMP sweeps in and does the one last thing they have left to do and gets all the credit.

There's a guy coming in to see Swarek in a bit, one of Quincy's old platoon buddies.

Sam goes to the front desk to tell Marlo to send him back when he gets there, but just as he's about to leave he notices some papers.

"Cruz what are you...looking into Royer?"

"It wasn't busy so I thought I'd help out, take a look."'

"Okay, but he was cleared. We have our guy, Nathan Quincy, so if you wanna help, maybe look into that. Find someplace this guy could be hiding out."

She won't have it though, "But Royer, I know he's guilty of something I'm sure of it."

She sat in on the interrogation with him and something about the guy just really irked her. She couldn't let it go.

"Marlo, drop Royer, were looking for Quincy." He tells her rather sternly.

"Yes sir."

"Sam" Andy interrupts them.

"What is it, McNally?"

She looks between them, asks for a second alone. She was looking into Quincy when she find something she really wishes she hadn't. Has no clue how to go about telling Sam.

"It's about Charlie"

"What happened, is he alright?"

And crap-

She probably shouldn't have started like that

"No Sam he's fine. It's..."

"Spit it out McNally"

"I was looking into Quincy, trying to find maybe a relative he'd go to or..."

Sam frustrated, it's like nobody can stay on task, "What's this gotta do with Charlie?"

And he kinda snaps a her, so her next sentence comes out in a rush, "Nathan Quincy's real name is Nathaniel Fitzgerald, he's Charlie's brother"

He's quiet for like a real long time, doesn't move an inch, till he starts walking away.

She stops him though, grabs him by the arm,

"You want me to come with you?"

"No" is his automatic response.

He deals with things on his own, because that's how he's always done it. That's how he had to do it, because he couldn't rely on anyone but himself. But maybe- maybe he doesn't have to anymore.

He thinks about Jerry, how much she tried to help him through it, how he shut her out.

"Actually, I do. But this is something I kinda gotta do myself." And he hopes to God she understands where he's coming from. That she believes him when he says that.

"Ya. ya, I get it." She nods to him, gives his arm a squeeze before letting him go.

* * *

It takes him like 20 minutes to get out of the car when he gets to Charlie's. He doesn't know what he's gunna say, how he could even...

Charlie was like a father to him, well what he thought a father should be like.

As soon as he opens the door he gets right into it, doesn't know he'd be able to if he waited too long.

"How'd you pull it off?"

He's suddenly feeling ambushed, has no clue what Sam's referring to.

"What the hell are you talking about? Sam, pull what off?"

"Nathan Quincy... _Anything you wanna share with me_?"

He fires them back at him- Charlie's words when he was prying about his history with Andy.

"Ok wait" he holds out his hands

"So it was bad enough that you lied to me all day... then I thought, you must have known about this for yearrrrssss."

He tries to explain, but Sam cuts him off-

"Right? That's why you were so insistent Robby up and moved, what did u make up the credit card thing too?

"Ok look, just listen to me for a sec okay?"

He's waiting for Sam to interrupt him again, but he just stands there, arms crossed, blank expression on his face.

So he launches in, "Nate you know, he was messed up. Always getting into trouble... He lost his trust found when he was sixteen. Kicked out of the family. He changed his name, joined the army. I didn't talk to him for years..."

Charlie's family came from money, but with money came expectations and he didn't really reach those when he decided to become a cop so he was pretty much ousted too. Sam knew about all of that, what he didn't know about was the brother.

"Then after he got kicked out, he came to me, I was helping him get clean.

I went over to check on him one day and I saw it, that kids body."

He's begging Sam to understand, "The kid, he was already dead when I got there, there was noting I could do.

I thought it was only the one, I swear I didn't know."

"One kid? That makes it okay?" Sam's horrified, can't believe the man he looked up to for most of his life, the man he aspired to be like, would...

"No. No. Of course not- Nate- he said it was an accident. He was trying to get his life back together. I wasn't gunna sell him out."

"So you covered it up."

"Today, that was the first time I heard there were more, I swear to you Sam. You gotta believe me."

And he's basically on the verge of tears. His voice is so small and broken, "Sam you believe me right?... Don't you?"

Sam swallows hard, looks up at the ceiling.

He believes him- he does- but he just can't...

"Will you help me get him?"

He wants to help him, wants to do whatever he can to make him stop looking at him like that- all heartbroken, but-

"He's my brother."

"He's a killer."

They're both so emotional.

Charlie- he's got tears dripping down his face.

Sam walks over and gives him a hug, pulls away after a second to look him in the eye,

"What are you gunna do, Charlie? You can't live with this. Knowing you could stopped this from happening, it's gunna kill you."

"Sam I..."

"Please...help me."

Charlie nods his head.

He has to do it, brother or not, doesn't matter.

* * *

Andy see's Sam sitting there in the break room, he just looks so sad.

She knows she shouldn't go in there, it's not her place.

But she just needs to make sure he's okay.

And she told him she'd be there, she promised.

"Tough day huh"

She plops herself down beside him. He doesn't say anything.

"Charlie came through though, in the end."

Sam has this far away look in his eyes, chuckles a little, "You know he uh, he busted me for selling stolen car parts, that's how we met."

"No way"

"He told me he'd let me off if i got my act together, went back to school."

He wants to open up to her, wants to show her he can, but when he goes to speak words just fall out,

"I don't like tool sheds"

"What?"

He clears his throat, wants to go about this right, looks her straight in the eyes, "Around the time my dad first came home, I must have been 6 or 7 he, uh, he locked me in the tool shed over night because I broke his hockey stick."

And Andy feels like she should say something, but she's worried if she does he'll stop talking.

He tilts his head, looks away, "When was around ten he made me sleep in there for a week because I didn't mow the lawn. I forgot." he shrugs,

"By the time I was sixteen I was screwing up just so I wouldn't have to sleep under the same roof as that guy."

And she gets it, why it's so hard for him to open up. She always knew there had to be something, but she never expected this.

His voice is thick when he goes to speak again, "Charlie, you know, he was a good guy, he showed me that a man could be kind and fair and good."

"He's still that guy, Sam." She tells him, "He might have made some mistakes, but he did the right thing today...and he did it for you."

"Andy I-" he starts,

But he hears Marlo's voice, "Hey guys."

"Hey" Andy stands abruptly. It's like Marlo appearing when she did gave her a reality check.

For a moment there it felt like they were back, only this time things were going how she pictured them in her head, how she always wished they would.

But they weren't back

and she shouldn't be the one he was telling these things to.

"See you guys tomorrow."

He watches her walk away; collins meets up with her in the hall, he sees them smile at each other; Watches him put her in a head lock; Hears her laugh...her beautiful laugh.

Marlo, she watches him; watches him watch McNally; she can tell his heart slowly breaks over what he's seeing; sees him put on his mask, try and bury it all deep inside; Hears him speak... he asks how she is.

"Good." She lies. "You?"

"Good."

Same old conversation.. every time.

This isn't what he wants.. Not anymore. Doesn't know why he ever thought he did. He doesn't want to wake up one day a realize nobody knows him. He wants _her_ to know him- Andy- not just anyone.

Maybe it's time he took a page out of her play book- made a plan-

Got his life on track.

He's too old for this _let things happen as they happen_ shit- it's gotten him absolutely nowhere.

Time to make a change.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:**In light of last episode I felt it was necessary to be quick with this update... I mean WHAT WAS THAT!? I have no words... My McSwarek heart is just taking a beating this season.

I had to cut this in half because it was way too long, so I hope it doesn't come across as Sam loving Marlo, if it does his motives will definitely be clarified next chapter.

Anyways, hope you like it!

Thank you for reviews/favs/follows again!

* * *

_True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice. - Sadhu Vaswani_

As he climbs the last stair on the 12th floor of Oliver's new apartment complex– for the umpteenth time, with _heavy_ boxes– he's finally had enough. So with the decision that this will be the last one he carries up, he moreso aggressively tosses the box to the floor, than gently places it as per Oliver's request, causing it to make a big bang when it lands.

"Whoa, easy brother!"

And what the hell are even in these...  
He hasn't asked just because they're labelled Celery, but screw propriety. He deserves to know what he's been lugging around all day.  
He reaches into his back pocket for the Xacto knife he had been using, runs it along the tape holding the flaps together.  
"Rocks? I just carried boxes upon boxes of rocks in here, is this a joke?"

"They're not rocks, they're crystals. Celery, she uses them for...spells or something. I don't know." Oliver tells him absentmindedly as he searches through his own box.

"Right. Of course, crystals for the witches spells. How could I not have known." He rolls his eyes and plops himself down on the couch.

"Ya, ya..."

"I don't know man, jumping in like this, so soon. How do you do it?"

Oliver called Sam up last week, told him the news. Asked him to help him move– Between Sam's truck and his van they figured they'd get it done in a day. That was of course before they knew the elevator was broken.  
Sam had some choice words for him upon this discovery, to which Shaw had his own sarcastic replies of; how the hell he was supposed to know..  
Then Sam obviously mentioned the witch girlfriend. Oliver, well had to point out– _Witch not psychic, Sammy_–  
And ya, you get the point...

Shaw looks up at him, has this far away look in his eyes, "I don't know. I guess I just have a feeling, you know?"

"Ya I get that."  
That feeling, he was familiar with it. That feelings what had him running scared.  
_This girls trouble._  
He knew from the beginning she was gunna turn everything upside down.  
But what can you do, when you meet the right one that's it.  
Problem was, that feeling never goes away, even when she does.

"You think I made a mistake? With celery?"

"No." He tells him with no hesitation, doesn't even have to think about it, "I see you two together and I know she's right for you."

"Like you and McNally" Oliver suggest

"Exactly."  
And crap...  
He got him there– Oliver did– he knew it too, stands up and starts pacing around.

Sam though, he's gunna try and deflect, it's his MO  
"It'll be interesting either way though right?" He chuckles "I mean if you guys get in a fight, just pull out her magic wand and expeliomis, acoonamatatis, bam fight over."

Oliver shakes his fingers at him, "No. No. This isn't about me."

"There's plenty of magic crystals laying around, I'm sure you could figure something out."

He's not letting him get away with it though, he finally got him to break, no way is he letting him off, "Let me tell you something man, I've been trying to get you to get your head out of your ass and realize McNally's the real deal for a year." He rubs his face, points at him "You know, ever since you've been out of uniform and she left you've been like some pod version of yourself, moping around."

"Name one time you saw me mope!"

"You mope on the inside."  
Sam's smirking at that- thinks its some kind of joke- Shaw's always spouting some girly over analytical bullshit..  
It's not though– bullshit– it's true.  
"I know that might now make sense, but I see it and I bet Marlo sees it too. You may be some UC savant, but one things for sure, you've never been able to hide your feelings for that girl... Never."  
It was true. They all knew from the start– hinting at the meaning behind extra coffee's and lending out his precious truck.  
_You and this rookie_

"I miss her man," he tells him, like he's exhausted, like its been weighing on him for a long time, "I wish I didn't, but I do."  
And Shaw– he's looking at him like its the greatest thing he ever heard.  
"Ever since that night in the bomb shelter, it's been harder and harder to convince myself I don't. I've been thinking about the future, kids, park on Sundays, real life, something more than this...with her."

He's on a roll now, like Oliver finally cracked open that thing inside of him– that last thing holding it all in.  
"And you know. Everything that happened before, it's like it doesn't matter anymore. I just want to be with her. Start a life with her."

Sam chances a glance at him– just quick though– he's too embarrassed.

Shaw can tell– he can see his discomfort– goes into a deep voice, his best Swarek impression, "Don't waste a good thing by keeping score man. Sometimes the best thing, is the thing you had"

Sam laughs, it's moments like this he's truly grateful for Oliver, "Where'd you hear that terrible advice?"

"Radio talk show..."

"Right." He takes a deep breath, gets serious again, "I thought I was supposed to move on"

"You don't move on from a girl like Andy, you dig in and you fight for her" he walks back over to the seat he had previously occupied, clears his throat and tells Sam seriously, "You gotta tell Marlo"

"What am I gunna say?"

"I don't know man. But you have to. she's gotta know on some level, and you know what that's not fair. I've been there, on the other side, with zoey okay, and it hurts. It hurts and it messes with your head."  
And that–that makes him feel a whole new level of shitty. If he'd known what a mess this would be...  
He just wishes he could go back, avoid all this pain. He never wanted anyone to get hurt, that was never his intention.

* * *

The digital clock beside her bed will not stop blinking. The stupid thing's been broken for two weeks–been meaning to get a new one, just hasn't gotten around to it.  
She's been staring at it for a long time, every flash a reminder that she's gotta get to bed or be absolutely useless at work tomorrow–  
Or rather, today.  
4 hours till she's gotta leave for shift  
And..  
What's that thing people say about over thinking late at night? Major cause of depression or something?  
Ya—  
Makes sense.  
A little self reflection could be a good thing though, right?  
Sure.. A little.

Andy laughs out loud at herself when she thinks about what an idiot she's been in the last few weeks–  
since she came back, actually.  
She never realized it before, but... she was Jo.  
Coveting someone else's man. Getting in the way of Sam and Marlo's relationship. Since she came back she always saw it the other way around. She and Sam were an "us" and Marlo, she was just in the way. But Sam wasn't hers anymore, he was Marlo's and she had to get that through her head.  
Because she can't honestly say that if he tried something shed be able to say no, hell its all shes been thinking about as of late.  
And that– well that was not something she was ok with.

The entire situation basically sucked. Sam was doing everything now, that she always hope he did when they were in a relationship. He was opening up to her, being patient and sweet, all the while staying true to who he was. Problem was– and it was a big problem– he was in a relationship with another women, he shouldn't be doing these things.

So along with her new found self shame, for being one step away from becoming Jo Rosati, came some major confusion. She didn't get it.. What did he even want from her? What was he looking for? He was talking more than he ever had, yet he was saying nothing at all.

In the wake of her new discovery into who she's becoming, she decides maybe a change in course is her best bet. She'd keep her promise to him and be there if he needed something, but she had to back off. At the end of the day she's better than this, no matter how much she still loves him, he was no longer hers.

And as she swears it to herself and is about to finally drift off into sleep, she hears a knock at the door.

* * *

The thing is though– with Sam Swarek– whenever he tries to do the right thing, it just doesn't work out.

He's hesitant at first, knocks only once..

Thinks this is probably an inopportune time to be at her door, coming here for the reason he's coming here. But if he doesn't do it right away he'll chicken out. He'll start to feel guilty and his need to do this will just drag on and on, until everything gets even more messed up.

She's surprised to see him there, "Sam, hey."

And he just shoots right in, no point in beating around the bush, "Hey Marlo, look there's something—"  
But she cuts him off...  
"Look, look at this, he has connections to two other unsolved homicides, one was his nephew! And the other one– well the other one was– well there wasn't an obvious connection, but they did frequent the same area."

She's frantically telling him all this information and Sam– well he's confused.  
"Who? What are you talking about?"

"And you know, I know it wasn't a coincidence that one of his buildings is the one Quincy used as his dumping grounds. He wanted them there. He wanted to visit them. You know what, he probably even helped."

"What? Marlo, are you talking about Thomas Royer?"  
Sam's face is all scrunched up like he doesn't even know what and Cruz– she's not even registering anything he's saying.

If this is what Oliver meant by messing with someone's head, well he's never been more sorry. She talking so fast that he can't follow a thing she's saying, so he just follows her as she scurries away to her room.

He's not prepared for what he sees though– papers scattered everywhere, some kind of story bored tacked up on her wall with surveillance photos of Royer and his buildings..  
"Uuuh, when you said you were redoing your room, I pictured paint not... This."

"Huh, what? No. This is my stuff. This is what I found. Look, look at this, his phone records.. We didn't look into them because we found our guy, but he called this unlisted number constantly. I traced it back to a burner phone. I bet you it was Nathan Quincy's. they were a team, Sam, I'm sure of it."

"Whoa, Marlo, hey, slow down."

"Don't- don't do that."  
Slow down.. She hated when people told her to slow down. "I know it's a lot, but I got this. I've been working really hard. I can get him."

He's trying to calm her down, doesn't understand why she's so worked up in the first place, "Look, don't worry about it, ok. You've done enough for now, why don't you just rest? Ill call the station for you."

"Rest! No I need to do this! Nobody else can see! But I can, I know Sam!"

And he's freaking out now, can't hide the desperation in his voice, "You need to step away from this."

He doesn't remember the last time he felt this screwed.  
He's been panicked before– especially since McNally's come into his life– but this... this is something different, he's lost.  
Did he cause this? Whatever this was...  
He needs to figure out something to do, he needs help, but he can't leave her like this. He's worried about what she might do– christ, he's worried she's already done something.  
It takes him a while but he finally gets her settled, drives her over to her aunts deciding its best he not leave her alone while he deals with this.

* * *

He planned on coming here at some point in the day, making some confessions, maybe a little grovelling, but this isn't exactly what he had in mind.

He doesn't know what to do and he just needs someone he can trust, his heads a mess and she's the only one who can keep him grounded like this.

He knocks on the door like six times, he's in a rush– no panic, he's in a panic.

The door swings open, but it's not Andy on the other side.  
As if his day couldn't get any more opposite to how he envisioned it; army boy Nick Collins, is standing in Andy's doorway shirtless–  
He's shirtless.. in her doorway..early in the morning...

After a long minute on silence, "Where's McNally?" Swarek barks at him.

And Nick– he's just eating this up, huge cocky grin on his face, "She's in bed. Can I help you with something?"

Sam sends him a nice sarcastic smile– that scary one he gets when he's real pissed off about something, "Ya, get me McNally."

"Yes sir."

And when Nick comes in her room and oh so nicely wakes her up by slamming a pillow into her face, she's a little cranky.  
And then when he tells her that Sam's waiting at the door for her, on the day that she finally decided to close the book on him, she's more than a little cranky.  
And when you add the fact that she just fell asleep, thanks to her over active brain and Nick showing up in the middle of the night wasted, she's about ready to punch someone in the face.

"What are you doing here?" She asks him, soon as he's in ear shot, doesn't even bother with 'hello'

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need your help."

She rolls her eyes at his implication, "what is it?"

"It's kinda of.." And the fact the Nick's just standing there–off to the side as if he's part of the conversation or something– it annoys him. "Look, can you excuse us for a second, Collins?"

"Sure thing. Actually Andy, do you mind if I grab a shower?"  
And this kid cant be for real– Sam literally tunes out their entire conversation, something about conditioner and guest towels– it's that or stab out his ears.  
And he's seriously regretting coming here, coulda done without the reality check. He knew deep down that she wouldn't wait around forever, but it still hurt.  
"I didn't realize you had company."

"I didn't realize that was any of your concern. Why would that matter to you?" Nothing happened, Nick slept on the couch, but she didn't feel like that was information Sam should be privy too.

When he just stands there angry, not saying anything, she asks him why he's there.

"I... I need your help. I don't know what to do anymore and you're the only person I can trust with this."

"What's going on?"

"Uh, it's, Marlo she- well I don't really know."  
And just like that her concern is gone,"You knocked my door this early in the morning for advice about your new girlfriend, are you kidding me Sam."

"No! Andy no! Look, I know this is... it's just, it's not like that. I think something's wrong with her."

"Why what happened?" She asks him as they make their way to the kitchen.

"She's just acting weird, you know? She's all over the place. She has all these ideas and she's talking so fast." He tells her  
And he just looks so lost, "I went over there and she had papers all over the house. I don't know what to do."

She grabs some pods from the cupboard to put in the coffee machine, "What do you mean papers?"

Sam's rubbing his forehead with his hand, exhales real loud, "Like case files, stuff that shouldn't leave the station– stuff she shouldn't have. And like scattered everywhere. She freaked on me when I asked her about it. Told me it was her work and she had to figure it out, nobody else could see it."

Andy– she's leaning on the counter across from him, worried expression on her face.

"What?"

She knows what this is; sounded to her like Marlo went off her meds. When she looks up though, she can't find it in herself to tell him– pictures of Cruz desperately asking her to keep it a secret in the back of her mind. "It's not my place to tell you and I promised I wouldn't, so..."

"McNally"

"Just talk to her okay." She tells him as she turns to replace the cup under the Keurig with a new one.

Sam walks right up to her though, makes her look him in the eye, "McNally, what's going on? Tell me what you know."

Sill, she says nothing.  
"Andy?"

And she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't want to tell him, but he's so desperate that she's worried it's worse than he's saying, so–  
"She- she has bipolar disorder."

Sam he– he's at a loss for words. He knew something was up, but he was not expecting that. "Did she tell you that?"

"No I found out, but she made me promise not to tell. So I didn't." She shrugs.

He walks to the door and just stands there for a minute before walking back, "Look, I'm worried she might have done something. Can you just check on Royer? Make sure nothing weirds going on?"

And sure–  
only that's a strange request, "Royer? The building owner we questioned in the serial murder case?"

"Yah" he sighs, "she's been investigating him. Her apartments covered in survailence photos of him. Bank records. Everything."

Marlo told her she had it under control, she said she was handling it. Andy can help but feel somewhat responsible for this. She should have done something about it sooner, before things got out of control.  
"Ya, just go make sure shes ok."

* * *

She like just stepped away from Shaw.. She's been trying to for maybe 20 minutes, but he's going on about becoming a new man and _me time_ and celerys witch tricks (like bedroom witch tricks)–which is just something she didn't need to know–  
_And like they're at work.._  
So she's basically in a squat, crouched behind a dumpster on the other side of the street. It smells like sour milk and her quads are cramping up, but she doesn't wanna be seen or heard, so...

She was gunna check on Royer before work, but Nick insisted he drive her, on account of him drunkenly coming over the night before ranting about who knows what.  
And then when she got there, she found out she was partnered with Oliver and he always has to go for a morning snack– every morning, no matter what.  
So she runs into the store and grabs it for him, she figures she can leave him with that and pop in on a friend while he waits in the car.  
Only thing is, on their way over there they get a call...  
And the address they're sent to.. It's _his_ building..

And Sam, he's probably ripping out his hair worrying about what mess Marlo could have made for herself–  
what mess Andy got into, since its been over 3 hours and she hasn't called him back.

"So..." He says when he answers, no greeting or anything.

"Royer, was attacked last night."

He doesn't say anything to that and McNally– she can just picture the look on his face, "Marlo was here. She went through his stuff."

"Shit."

And as if that wasn't bad enough,  
"Sam, there's something else.. He's uh, He's dead."

"You don't think she had anything to do with that, do you?" He asks her, like as if he's offended by the prospect of it– that and maybe the littlest tiny bit of doubt.

"No, of course I don't, but she was here."

"Okay, are you still there– at the crime scene?"

"Mhmm"  
And she just wishes he'd hurry up and say what he has to say so she can get out of there. The smell is horrendous and she'd rather have been done with wall sits when she was done with high school track.

"Is there anything that puts her there?" Sam asks her seriously

But she can't be sure, the place is gigantic, "I don't know, maybe"

"Can you get rid of it?"

"Why would I do that?"  
The fact that he would even suggest... She can't.

"Andy, please. If Marlo becomes a murder suspect.."

"Ya, all the work she did falls apart, I remember."  
She had been so grateful to him that day– her father and the whole Calisiac thing– she knew then that he'd always have her back. "You're sure she didn't do it?"

"She didn't do it." He tells her, no longer any hint of question in his tone.

"You realize what you're asking of me right?"

"I'm asking you to do the right thing."

"You can't possibly think that!"  
Except she knew that's exactly what he thought. She knew him, he had no problem colouring outside the lines when it came down to achieving what he thought was a good.

"We were in this same boat a couple years ago and it worked out."

"It's not! We kept everything in-tacked and looked for other suspects, we didn't disturb a crime scene and destroy evidence, Sam."  
She knows he'd do anything to protect the people he cares about– knows this isn't just about Marlo– it's about him being the saviour, or whatever. Doing what he can to make sure everyone else is ok.  
Jerry had it right,  
_I know no matter what you'll always have my back._  
She knows ever since then– since the one time he didn't– there won't be a time he doesn't have someone's back.

And she gets it– wanting to protect people, look out for them, but where's the line? She took an oath and even if its for the greater good, she can't help but feel bad.

That's the difference between her and Sam, he's willing to go that extra mile to do what it takes and she, well– that's where they come to a crossroad, that moral grey area–

"Don't ask me to do this, please don't ask me to do this."

He hears how bad she doesn't want this– in her voice– he also hears that she won't be able to say no if he asks, shed do anything for him.  
And he can't do that to her, can't put her in that position, "You're right. Okay, I'm sorry. I should never have asked you."

But he can't do this alone and she's– she's all he's got, "Can you just... Can you try and find the person who actually did it.. As fast as possible?"

"What are you gunna do?"  
And she sounds so broken– broken and scared.

"Well I'm gunna bring these case files back to the evidence room for one.."

Then McNally's convinced he's completely lost his mind, "Sam, you can't! They're already digging into this! Royer complained about getting treated poorly, the brass is all over it. There's no way you can sneak them back without someone catching you."

"Well I'm gunna have to, I mean I don't have any better ideas, what am I supposed to do? If they find out these files are missing from evidence they're gunna know one of us took it. It's gunna turn this whole thing into an internal investigation, ISU is gunna get involved, Marlo could lose her badge."

"Say you get them back without anyone seeing, then what? She's still gunna be linked to it by whatever they find here."

"I don't know, I guess, I'm gunna try and keep them off Marlo till you can figure it out."

_Gunna try and keep them off Marlo_, she knows what that means..  
She just hopes that this time he doesn't go too far over the line– this time he stops when he gets close to the edge.  
Because there's a point a point at which protecting someone goes to far– a point at which you gotta start to look out for yourself..

Or maybe that's just her looking out for him– who knows..  
"Don't do anything stupid." She tells him, then hangs up the phone.

When she turns around Oliver's suddenly just... There.  
"What's going on McNally? Who was that?"

She can't help but wonder how much he heard, "Nothing, it was just Sam."

"Everything okay?"

And he's so concerned that she almost wants to just tell him what's going on, but she doesn't– "Ya, I uh, ya... C'mon we got work to do."

* * *

So Sam– he's in a mad dash to get these files back up to evidence before anyone goes looking for them, he's just hoping he's not too late.  
He's like three desks and a hallway away when–  
"Swarek"

And if it isn't his favourite person in the whole wide world, "Callaghan, hey. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question, Frank said you had today off."  
He's looking at him with that boyish smile and Sam can't remember a time when he didn't wanna hit him. "Ya I uh, was bored at home, decided to come in, see if I could get anything done."

"Hmm.." Callaghan nods and points at the box in Sam's hands– the box Marlo stole from evidence– the box he was currently trying to sneak back in "What's that?"

"Huh, case files." Sam shrugs.

Luke– he nods again, "Ya, no some metal and tin guy was murdered, had issues with your division, so I was called in. You know how they get with accusations like that."

"Right." He has that fake smile on his face, the one he reserves for Luke,  
_his good buddy_  
He clears his throat, "Who's uh, who's the victim?"

"Thomas Royer. Suspect in the serial killings you guys solved couple weeks ago. Congrats on that by the way! Thats a big bust."

"Oh. Thanks." And when Sam shakes his hand it takes everything in him to hold back from crushing it, "Royer huh, ya I questioned him actually. You find anything?"

"No, not yet. I'm actually just heading down to evidence to get whatever you guys already have on him."  
And that's just frigen fantastic! whatever they have on him is in Sam's hands and he can't exactly hand it over to him.

"Oh, well I'm heading down there right now," he tells him– holds up the box as to show why, "I can grab it for you." And Sam's pulling some serious UC skills here and seriously failing.

"Nah its ok, we can walk down together."

"I don't mind."  
And a first day rook could see Swarek was up to something. Luke though– he lets it go, gives him a wary look, "K... Ya sure, thanks. Ill be in Franks office."

Sam smiles and nods, waits for Callaghan to walk away before releasing the breath he'd been holding.

* * *

Shaw's walking away from her shaking his head–  
because this girl, she has got to be kidding, "McNally, three witnesses said he got into it with a girl, I don't understand why you're so gung-ho on going after a guy."

"I just have a feeling okay, will you go with me on this?"

"We're gunna ignore everything we've found... because of your feeling." He points at her, then real sarcastically, "That's an interesting new style of policing there McNally, it's really great."

"c'mon" she pleads with him, "aren't we taught to trust our gut?"

"Ya, but not when everything you've found contradicts said feeling"

"Please?"

"You know what McNally, i have a better idea.. why don't– Why don't you tell me what this is really about." He says to her seriously.

And Oliver– he can always call everyone on their shit. No way was he gunna believe there wasn't something behind this. And Andy really wants to tell him– she does.  
But, Marlo... and its not even her secret.  
"Nothing huh...?" He says after watching her internal debate, "Just a feeling." And he gives her one more chance to fess up, but nope– "Alright well, whatever you say Andy. Why wouldn't I go along with this, what with you being so completely straight forward an honest with me? I owe it to you really...partner."  
And he's bitter–  
Of course he is..  
Still though, "Oliver.."

"No it's fine.." He tells her, as insincere as she's ever head him, "Eric Beckfluers it is!"

* * *

Swarek, he's a little rusty in the lying game apparently, because Callaghan is totally suspicious. It probably didn't help that he was being so overly polite– Sam's not exactly mr friendly– and everyone and their grandma knows he can't stand Luke.  
After delivering the files he asked if he needed any help on the case, hoping Luke would send him out into the field.  
And well– not only did that not happen, but he was now stuck debriefing him on everything Royer.  
He steps away for a minute to call McNally– feels like shit for asking her for another favour, but he doesn't know what else to do, "Look, I'm stuck here with Callaghan, can you just check and see if they have anything on her? You don't have to do anything with it, just give me a heads up."

"I'm with Oliver, we're looking for a suspect."  
She can see him rolling his eyes beside her, undoubtedly certain it's Sam she's speaking to– and with him being like the all knowing spiritual advisor of 15 division, he tends to get a little judgey.

"Ollie's fine on his own, it'll be like 10 minutes tops."

"What happened to 'back up your partner no matter what'?"

"If he needs something hell call. He's not dumb."  
And she doesn't know what's wrong with her because she just can't say no to him. One year, a UC operation and new girlfriend later– she's still putty in his hands.

"Oliver?" She asks him, knowing he saw it coming.

And he did, but still– "C'mon, McNally.. Seriously?"

It's not that he doesn't want them together, he does; hasn't made a secret of it, but the two of them tend to get into some trouble together.  
Sammy– Oliver loves him like a brother– but he doesn't always make the best decisions.

"I'll be back soon I promise. Don't peruse Beckfluer without me."

And she's already dashing out of the cruiser before he has a chance to tell her, "Do what you gotta do, McNally."

* * *

She doesn't even know what Sam's expecting, It's been hours– probably they already collected all they need to collect.  
Only the place is huge and they're still looking around when she gets there.

"Does Marlo have a blue scarf?" She asks him when he gets to a place he can talk freely.

"I don't know."  
He doesn't pay much attention to her...  
To her clothes– he pays attention to her

"We'll ask her."

"I'm still at the station dealing with Callaghan, I brought her to her aunts"

And she's seriously annoyed at this point, she's been running around all day for him– pissing off Oliver in the process– and he can't even provide the answer to the simplest question.  
"Well there's a women's scarf here and it has blood on it."

"The victims blood?"

What does he think she has her own lab that can run unauthorized tests to find out that information.  
"Don't know."  
He can tell she's annoyed, but seriously...

"One sec Oliver's on the other line." She tells him.

When she answers though, it's not Oliver's voice she hears, "Hello officer McNally."

She looks at her screen again, wonders if she read it wrong, but no– _Oliver Shaw mobile_– "Who is this?"

The voice is gruff, vaguely familiar, from like another life or something,  
"You don't know? That hurts."

And she feels like she's trying to remember a dream after she's woken up– some weird sense of deja vu, "Where's Oliver?"

"I'm surprised you care, you left him all by himself after all."

The voice, it has a taunting cheer to it, gives her goosebumps, "Beckfleur?" She wonders.

"No you stupid rookie, there is no Beckfleur, I made him up!"  
And that condescending angry tone... Was that... No it couldn't be.


End file.
